You Make the Call

 

Wisconsin Governor Tony Evers

OR

Wisconsin Governor Tony Evers?

You Make the Call

 

Pete Crow-Armstrong

OR

Pete Crow-Armstrong?

The Gist - 2024 Game #61: Cubs 7, White Sox 6

As the sole person still writing for a zombie Cubs blog, it may come as a shock to you that I'm actually a Dodgers fan (even though I hate them). It's true. Check the old posts...or don't. Who cares? Any besides, the Dodgers wasted another stellar outing from Cillian Murphy by losing 1-0 to Pittsburgh yesterday afternoon, so come 7:30/8pm time there was no game for me to watch.

Oh wait...what do we have here? White Sox at Cubs in the 7th? OK I can manage two innings of this. I put the game on, choosing the White Sox feed to listen to Hawk.

There's no Hawk. Did he grab some bench or finally croak? Steve Stone is calling the game and he's at least familiar so let's stick with this. The Cubs pulled it out 7-6 with Happ (I'll get back to that in a moment) driving in the winning run. The rest of this post will be a series of observations.

• Observation #1 - Who are these people on the White Sox? I knew they were bad, but the lack of major league talent is astounding. The entire roster is kind of like shopping at Aldi. The names are a little familiar, but not the real deal. They have a Sheets and Sosa, but it's not Ben or Sammy. There's a guy named Julks. I can't even type that without autocorrect changing it. Jordan Leasure sounds made up.
• Observation #2 - The Cubs aren't much better. They have a Happ (not J.A.) and a Suzuki, but not Ichiro or Kurt. And let me tell you even though there's a guy named Mike Busch that was drafted by the Dodgers, it is not Mike Busch from the 1995 replacement player spring training. 
• Observation #3 - I still hate seeing Bellinger in a Cubs uniform. BRING HIM HOME.
• Observation #4 - Wrigley looks so nice at night. They should do more night games when employed people can watch. Lee Elia was right when he said "Day games are for the poors." I believe that is a direct quote.

And, uh, that's about it. That certainly was 2 innings of baseball. See you in 2025 dear readers.

Here's a picture of Black Jack McDowell because he was on one of these teams and was awesome.

An Official Statement from Bud Norris

Former MLB pitcher Bud Norris (aka Nud Borris) loves him some lettuce. It's all he talks about. Ask the baseball writers of America right after they turn in an embarrassing HOF ballot. They'll tell you. Bud reached out to us here at TMS with an important statement. The floor is yours Nud:

"Hello there Norris Nation. I just learned there is some Twitter account calling a football player the 'Lettuce King.' Some folks call it X, I still call it Twitter. Anyways, does this guy even eat lettuce? Has he ever bit right into a head of iceberg and felt the sweet, sweet crunch? I don't think so. I am the one true Lettuce King and will consider legal action against anyone who says otherwise. Thank you for your time." - Nud

TMS Reviews: Morgan Wallen's "Last Night"

I'd rather get ingested into a jet engine than listen to this again. Decline is a choice.

Top 5 Thanksgiving Movies

 

The Top 5 Thanksgiving movies offered without further comment:

1. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

2. The Ice Storm

3. Scent of a Woman

4. Dutch

5. Die Hard

War Criminal: Other People's Dogs

 

No one cares about your dog but you.

You Make the Call

 

Steve Bannon

OR

Steve Bannon?

The Real Reason There Will Be No 2020 Baseball Season

Because you touch yourself at night and you deserve nothing.

A Tuesday Afternoon Update from Bud Norris

Braves, err Dodgers, err Cardinals, wait no, apparently Phillies pitcher Bud Norris (aka Nud Borris) loves him some lettuce. It's all he talks about. Ask the Atlanta, LA, or St. Louis beat writers. They'll tell you. Looks like you can ask the Philadelphia beat writers now too. Can someone just sign this guy to a long term deal already? The floor is yours Nud:

THANK YOU 8,091 TWEETER PEOPLES!!!!!

Top 5 Christmas Movies of 2019

A few years ago, a group of internet trolls got together at a Denny's and decided they were going to annoy everyone by saying Die Hard is a Christmas movie. Somehow this horseshit caught on and now people who are only accidentally annoying are saying it. Terrible. Fast forward to 2019 and the term "Christmas movie" no longer has any meaning. Oh well, I might as well take advantage of it. Here then are the Top 5 Christmas Movies of 2019 - "Christmas movie" being defined as anything I watched within a couple weeks of Christmas. Please note, while "Top 5" generally implies I liked them all, you will see that isn't the case. I just happened to watch five. Enjoy.

1. The Rise of Skywalker

The Rise of Skywalker is easily the best Star Wars movie since Return of the Jedi and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise. Oh, I'm sorry, was there too much fan service for you? Well maybe you need to reevaluate your expectations for a movie series where two of the most beloved characters are a furry giant and a beeping trash can on wheels.

2. Bone Tomahawk

I watched this on Christmas Eve while millions of you suckers were at midnight mass. Brush up on your time zones people. Bethlehem is like 10 hours ahead so you should be celebrating sometime in the afternoon. This starts off as a pretty standard but well made western and continues like that for a long time...until it takes a turn. You could say this movie is brutally split in two (hat tip to Ken).

3. The Irishman

It's now official: Al Pacino has used up whatever remaining good will he had from playing Michael Corleone and has to start trying again. Good god was he hamming it up here. The movie itself is pretty decent and it's fun to have De Niro and Pesci teamed up again, but you could easily shave 45 minutes off of this one and no one would even notice.

4. The Two Popes

Finally, that buddy comedy about Pope Francis and Pope Benedict XVI me and like three other people on the planet were waiting for. I really wish Cardinal Ratzinger had chosen "Charles" for his papal name so everyone in this movie would have to call Anthony Hopkins Pope Charles repeatedly. Also, this image of him eating pizza is going to replace the whale in my nightmare.

5. A Marriage Story

The latest offering from Noah Baumbach, America's Dollar Tree Woody Allen, is an unpleasant slog with good acting. He manages to take what would be a relatable situation for a lot of folks, the breakup of a marriage, and makes it as pretentious as possible with bi-coastal theater people and high priced demon divorce lawyers. Do not watch this one if you haven't already.

Spoiler: R2D2 dies in this one.

A Corrected List of Current MLB Managers

Last night, the Padres hired a new manager. Some dopey kid, I dunno. No one cares. The real issue is that 1) I had no idea they had fired their old manager and 2) Bud Black hasn't been their manager for years. This morning I Googled a list of current MLB managers, and man, are there a lot of errors on this list! I went through and corrected them.  So here you go, a list of current MLB managers as of October 25, 2019.  Correct answers are on the right in bold:

American League

Baltimore Orioles: Brandon Hyde – Buck Showalter

Boston Red Sox: Alex Cora  - I guess so?

Chicago White Sox: Rick Renteria – Robin Ventura

Cleveland Indians: Terry Francona - Correct

Detroit Tigers: Ron Gardenhire – Jim Leyland

Houston Astros: A.J. Hinch - Correct

Kansas City Royals: vacant – Ned Yost

Los Angeles Angels: Joe Maddon - Correct

Minnesota Twins: Rocco Baldelli – Ron Gardenhire

New York Yankees: Aaron Boone - Correct

Oakland Athletics: Bob Melvin – Philip Seymour Hoffman

Seattle Mariners: Scott Servais – Lou Piniella  

Tampa Bay Rays: Kevin Cash – Turd Ferguson since we're just making names up

Texas Rangers: Chris Woodward – Johnny Oates

Toronto Blue Jays: Charlie Montoyo – Cito Gaston

National League

Arizona Diamondbacks: Torey Lovullo – Bob Brenly

Atlanta Braves: Brian Snitker - Correct

Chicago Cubs: David Ross - Correct

Cincinnati Reds: David Bell – Dusty Baker

Colorado Rockies: Bud Black – Clint Hurdle

Los Angeles Dodgers: Dave Roberts – Correct, unfortunately

Miami Marlins: Don Mattingly – Correct, but I think they prefer Florida Marlins

Milwaukee Brewers: Craig Counsell – Davey Lopes

New York Mets: vacant – Terry Collins

Philadelphia Phillies: Joe Girardi - Correct

Pittsburgh Pirates: vacant – Lloyd McClendon

St. Louis Cardinals: Mike Shildt – Mike Matheny

San Diego Padres: Jayce Tingler - Correct

San Francisco Giants: vacant - Correct

Washington Nationals: Dave Martinez – Davey Johnson

Nicholas Castellanos is Pretty OK

It's been a while but I thought I'd just pop on and say that Nicholas Castellanos is a pretty OK player. Also the return of Planters Cheez Balls has been a welcome surprise.